Tag Archive: Birth mom

The Other Woman

I have been thinking a lot lately about the Other Woman who is a constant in our lives. She is the vessel God used to give us an incredible gift. Sometimes her presence in our lives is more subtle than others, but lately she has been ever-present in my mind. Even more so lately since we recently had the privilege of hearing from a birth mother panel. And with reaching a rather significant milestone in K’s life I have wondered how her “tummy mommy” is doing with it all.

Open adoption is all the rage (well in the adoption world anyway) and we are learning more about it. I used to feel very insecure about the idea of this “other woman” being so involved in our world on an ongoing basis. But from the first moment of seeing K in the hospital my heart swelled with an enormous amount of gratitude and it has only increased in the days and years since. You see, I am competitive and saw this “Other Woman” as a threat to my family. But it is so not like that at all. Certainly she is sad to say good-bye to traditional parenthood, but also so grateful for the opportunity to give her baby what she believes is best for him or her. And definitely the family is thrilled to receive this gift, but sad to know how painful a loss it is for the woman who delivered. Adoption is in many ways the ultimate picture of bittersweet: such a heartbreaking and sad time for the birth family and such a time of incredible joy and excitement for the adoptive family–wonderfully painful for one and painfully wonderful for the other.

And I guess I also used to be jealous because any child that would enter our lives would always be hers first. And that used to really bother me. It probably shouldn’t, but it did. I’m not gonna lie–sometimes it still does. But K is definitely mine even though she is also hers. At least as “mine” as any child could ever be. Ultimately, our children–no matter how they become part of our family–are God’s and not our own. We are entrusted with their little bodies and minds and it is our privilege and responsibility to care for them, love them, and teach them about the One who made them. But they always have been and always will be HIS–whether or not they are also HERS. Once I embraced that truth, I have more freely been able to welcome the constant presence of this Other Woman, whom I admire and love and hope to meet in Heaven one day. There are only a handful of people in this world that exhibit great courage–and ones who hold the title “birth parent” are definitely part of that crowd.

Exactly 5 years ago today I became a mommy.  My daughter turned 5 on Friday, but it was five years ago today we were introduced.  What a day that was!  We had a gestation period of about…16 hours, give or take.  We got a call on Saturday afternoon and picked her up from the hospital the very next morning.  We were in the middle moving out of our apartment and into our house.  Suddenly our cleaning deposit seemed entirely irrelevant.  I had baby stuff to take care of!  

My big girl is so excited to be five and loves to hear about how God brought her to us, handpicked to be in our family.  I love to remember that story, too.  Maybe sometime I’ll share it more in depth, but for now I will just say that I am so very thankful God blessed us with this fiery pistol of a clever little girl.  She definitely keeps us on our toes around here.

I am incredibly thankful for K’s courageous and selfless “tummy mommy” (as we call her around here).  That woman will always, always, always have an incredibly tender place in my heart even though I will likely not know her this side of heaven.  She remains a special part of our family’s story.  We love her for her gift to us and we pray for her and that we will one day meet her in Heaven.  Pray for her if you would.  I am sure this time of year, surrounding the time she said good-bye to a precious gift, is terribly challenging for her.  Pray God would give her great comfort and peace regarding K’s well being.

We are so blessed to have received this most precious gift five years ago today.