Tag Archive: spiritual growth

I’m Baaa-aaack!

I am back for real this time.  Or at least I think so—at least a little while.  I have missed you!  I have missed processing this journey called life with you.  Really, I have missed processing at all.  Life seems to get so crazy busy and I just run out of time, or plan poorly, or get lazy.  Or maybe all of the above.

Anyway, I was moved this morning as I was reflecting on something I read in Jesus Calling (a devotional book by Sarah Young).  I love the little kernels of truth she offers in daily doses. Today’s truth focus was from 2 Cor. 12:9–a timely reminder for me that His power is made perfect in my weakness.  I love how she paraphrases it especially, “Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My power is made perfect in weakness.”

It is easy for me to gravitate toward focusing on my insufficiency–whether my personality or body-shape flaws, or those material things I lack–a fancy car, maid-service, personal trainer and short order chef.  (If any of you are interested in filling one or more of those roles, let me know.  The salary offers a plethora of zeroes, with lots of commas, following a zero.)

But in my most recent past–as in about 2-4 weeks–I have been focusing very intentionally on God’s SUFFICIENCY. It is not about what I lack, it is about who He is. There are some specific situations in our life where He will HAVE to do something.  Our need is so far outside the realm of possibility for us, and my own inadequacy is so great, that I am in a place of utter dependence on the Lord.  We all are.  All the time.  We just often don’t remember that as we foolishly, time and again, fall into the trap of believing self-sufficiency actually exists.

So for now, I truly will rejoice in my inadequacy.  As an American, I am overly blessed–probably even spoiled–and rarely encounter my need for God in such a crystal clear way.  So today, I will embrace my awareness of my inadequacy for what it is, “a rich blessing, training me to rely wholeheartedly on God” (Young, p.125)


The Ebb and Flow

My life consists–as I am sure many lives do–of an emotional ebb and flow. For me, a lot of my ebb and flow surrounds my feelings regarding my circumstances. And one circumstance in particular that I often allow to dictate my feelings is in regard to my inability to conceive. (You can read more about that here.) Thankfully I am currently experiencing the “flow.” I noticed this when we recently had friends visit with their new baby. I enjoyed him immensely. Sometimes it is just purely painful for me to be around babies. I am better at hiding that pain than I used to be, but my heart still feels like it is being stabbed in those times of “ebbing.” I am thankful for the “flows;” for the days and weeks it hurts less and is not the glaring sore that it is in those other times. The emotional ebbs and flows tend to catch me by surprise. Many times I am not even sure myself whether it is an ebb or a flow sort of day or moment. Shortly before their arrival, I was a little anxious about how I might inwardly respond to being around their little one. But I truly enjoyed snuggling his squishy body and petting his silky hair. Why is it that we like to pet the hair of babies?! Maybe it is just me. But it is sooooo silky smooth and soft!

I am thankful for the “flow” moments and days. I am especially thankful that as I grow in this area of struggle that there is more flowing than ebbing. Either I am growing in my pain tolerance; time is allowing my wound to heal; or I am better understanding God’s character and growing in trusting His plan even when I don’t like it or understand it. Maybe it is a little bit of each of those.