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WOW

WOW is about all I can say. It is 3 am Friday morning and I am still reeling from the AMAZINGNESS of God. He just provided our adoption profile fee in a week! We just learned of it when we got the mail yesterday. THIS is the big thing I had asked God to provide by the end of April.

I thought He said no to my timeline because April 30th came and went and we were at 25%. (Which was still amazing, just not what I had hoped and prayed for.)

And then I got the mail yesterday. And there was the other 75%. Can you guess what the date on that check is?!?! YES–APRIL 30th! WOW.

We are still reeling in amazement and awe. There is so much more to say. But for now…. WOW GOD! Praise be to God who gives immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine! And who makes the seemingly impossible possible!

When God says No

Well, it’s a good thing I am not 5. Because I didn’t get my way. Don’t get me wrong, I still throw a mean fit, and plenty of them, but today I am more mature. More accepting. Embracing disappointment, while convinced that all hope is not lost.

I *am* disappointed that God did not answer my prayer in the timeframe I had hoped. I asked for something big to happen by April 30th. God said no to my deadline. I know (in my head) that it is because His timing has not yet come to pass. Because I still believe it will happen. But obviously now is not the perfect time.

It’s strange actually, as I feel disappointed but not surprised, even though I really believed I was waiting expectantly for God to move mountains. And He did! Just not quite as many or as far as I had hoped. But what my lack of surprise reveals is that while I know without a doubt he could do it, I also suspected He wouldn’t. Maybe it’s some weird form of self-preservation. Maybe I don’t think He wants to do it, or maybe I think He cares more about me learning to trust in HIS timing, even especially when it is different than mine.

Whatever the reason, I will continue seeking to trust Him AND His timing when His ideas and his clock are so different than mine. It is hard. But I am learning that God is good, even especially when I don’t get my way in my timeframe.

I’m Baaa-aaack!

I am back for real this time.  Or at least I think so—at least a little while.  I have missed you!  I have missed processing this journey called life with you.  Really, I have missed processing at all.  Life seems to get so crazy busy and I just run out of time, or plan poorly, or get lazy.  Or maybe all of the above.

Anyway, I was moved this morning as I was reflecting on something I read in Jesus Calling (a devotional book by Sarah Young).  I love the little kernels of truth she offers in daily doses. Today’s truth focus was from 2 Cor. 12:9–a timely reminder for me that His power is made perfect in my weakness.  I love how she paraphrases it especially, “Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My power is made perfect in weakness.”

It is easy for me to gravitate toward focusing on my insufficiency–whether my personality or body-shape flaws, or those material things I lack–a fancy car, maid-service, personal trainer and short order chef.  (If any of you are interested in filling one or more of those roles, let me know.  The salary offers a plethora of zeroes, with lots of commas, following a zero.)

But in my most recent past–as in about 2-4 weeks–I have been focusing very intentionally on God’s SUFFICIENCY. It is not about what I lack, it is about who He is. There are some specific situations in our life where He will HAVE to do something.  Our need is so far outside the realm of possibility for us, and my own inadequacy is so great, that I am in a place of utter dependence on the Lord.  We all are.  All the time.  We just often don’t remember that as we foolishly, time and again, fall into the trap of believing self-sufficiency actually exists.

So for now, I truly will rejoice in my inadequacy.  As an American, I am overly blessed–probably even spoiled–and rarely encounter my need for God in such a crystal clear way.  So today, I will embrace my awareness of my inadequacy for what it is, “a rich blessing, training me to rely wholeheartedly on God” (Young, p.125)

So It’s Been Awhile….

Okay, so I have been a not-so-great blogger. My apologies. Let’s see if I can get back in the swing of things. I really do have a lot to say, apparently just not a lot of time to say it.

This note is pretty much just to say I am back. I suppose only time will tell for how long. In the meantime, enjoy this magnificent concert. Be sure to watch it all to hear what we celebrate at Easter! If you are a friend on FB, you may have already seen this. But it is worth watching again, in my opinion. :)

What a Deal!

I was awoken WAY TOO EARLY today. Well, my sister wouldn’t think so, but 4:30am is not my favorite “get up” time. But today it worked out because I sneaked away to use some Albertsons’ “twice the value” coupons and was able to score big! I got $78 worth of grocery products for $24. That is an overall savings of 83%! Hooray! I did three transactions (split because of twice the value coupon policy) and for one I owed $0! And another I owed $2. Love that! I got a handful of items for FREE, including pasta and facial tissues. One of the items on my list regularly costs $20 and I found a clearanced equivalent for half that price and bought a gallon of milk included in my total this morning. I am super excited about this. I know many of you don’t really care, but too bad. It’s MY blog! For those who DO care about such trivial matters, read on for details. :)

-4 Tillamook yogurts
-4 boxes facial tissue
-2 boxes angel hair pasta
-2 bags Hershey’s Bliss
-8 cans Progresso soup
-2 boxes Princess fruit snacks
-1 gallon milk (no sale, no Q)
-2 pkgs night sleepers (clearance, no Q)
-2 Breyers ice cream (1.5qt sz)(no dblQ)

Unless marked, It was on sale and I had a coupon and a doubler! I did have to purchase newspapers for the 9 twice the value coupons I used–and that was an additional $3.50 for the papers I chose. Still a great deal at $27.50, especially considering I would normally have spent about $23 just on the night sleepers and milk!

Sorry for the mundane specifics, but I REALLY LOVE a great deal on products I (mostly) buy anyway! And I enjoy it more as I share it over and over! (The Hershey’s was a splurge on clearance and with a coupon I found in the store on a display which made them about .50/bag.)

Happy deal hunting!

P.S. Matt said he would have liked the option to stop reading if you don’t care. But it was not–nor will it likely ever be–available to him. :)

Emotional Smoothie

I am a blender these days. My emotions are being chopped and puréed and mixed this way and that. Perhaps it is the recent trip to our former home, or the busyness of life, or the transition from mother of preschooler to mother of school kid.

I am feeling it most especially in this moment for some reason and find I’d like to curl up under a big blanket and sleep. Or maybe eat. I mean, what better avoidance is there than to enjoy a helping of choice comfort food and then snuggle in for a long nap?!

I can’t decide if this sadness in the pit of my stomach is because it is true that my baby is growing up, or what. I noticed today that a key difference in kindergarten vs preschool and daycare is that I have less of an idea what goes on in her world each day. I get a few hints here and there but it is just not the same as hanging out and chatting with her teacher or caregiver for chunks of time before or after her day. It is a weird feeling and I am not liking that change so much.

I think it is compounded today because the verdict is in on class changes due to over-full classes and K has a new teacher. She is a great lady and I have heard only good things about her. And she was K’s VBS teacher at one church this summer so she already has a rapport with her and I like that she is a Christian. K is excited. But I feel like it is the first day of school all over again. And plus I really liked the first teacher. I am pretty sure it will all work out okay, but apparently I was not truly as laissez-faire as I thought I was. :) Women and their indecision and control issues….

The Other Woman

I have been thinking a lot lately about the Other Woman who is a constant in our lives. She is the vessel God used to give us an incredible gift. Sometimes her presence in our lives is more subtle than others, but lately she has been ever-present in my mind. Even more so lately since we recently had the privilege of hearing from a birth mother panel. And with reaching a rather significant milestone in K’s life I have wondered how her “tummy mommy” is doing with it all.

Open adoption is all the rage (well in the adoption world anyway) and we are learning more about it. I used to feel very insecure about the idea of this “other woman” being so involved in our world on an ongoing basis. But from the first moment of seeing K in the hospital my heart swelled with an enormous amount of gratitude and it has only increased in the days and years since. You see, I am competitive and saw this “Other Woman” as a threat to my family. But it is so not like that at all. Certainly she is sad to say good-bye to traditional parenthood, but also so grateful for the opportunity to give her baby what she believes is best for him or her. And definitely the family is thrilled to receive this gift, but sad to know how painful a loss it is for the woman who delivered. Adoption is in many ways the ultimate picture of bittersweet: such a heartbreaking and sad time for the birth family and such a time of incredible joy and excitement for the adoptive family–wonderfully painful for one and painfully wonderful for the other.

And I guess I also used to be jealous because any child that would enter our lives would always be hers first. And that used to really bother me. It probably shouldn’t, but it did. I’m not gonna lie–sometimes it still does. But K is definitely mine even though she is also hers. At least as “mine” as any child could ever be. Ultimately, our children–no matter how they become part of our family–are God’s and not our own. We are entrusted with their little bodies and minds and it is our privilege and responsibility to care for them, love them, and teach them about the One who made them. But they always have been and always will be HIS–whether or not they are also HERS. Once I embraced that truth, I have more freely been able to welcome the constant presence of this Other Woman, whom I admire and love and hope to meet in Heaven one day. There are only a handful of people in this world that exhibit great courage–and ones who hold the title “birth parent” are definitely part of that crowd.

Day 3 and the honeymoon is over…

You know how some kids require a lot of parent teacher conferences? Ummm yeah…I might have one of those.

It is the third day of school and when I picked K up, I got the

I need to talk to you

from her teacher. You will never guess over what… That stinking school bus! Sheesh this kiddo is D.E.T.E.R.M.I.N.E.D! The first thing she said shouted to me when she spotted me in the crowd of parents was “Mom why are you here?! I am supposed to ride the bus!” And when she was dismissed into my care she promptly burst into tears and went on and on (yet again) about how it is not fair that she does not get to ride the bus like E. Apparently she spent some time today trying to convince her teacher that she was supposed to ride the bus; given what information I have from both parties, I am guessing she argued with Mrs. S for a while insisting she was “not lying” and was “telling the truth.” I am sure she that when I said this morning that some days she could ride the bus, she heard that today she would ride the bus. Pray for K’s teacher–she’s gonna need it!

Something tells me there are some bus rides in K’s future. If only we didn’t live a mere 3 blocks from the school….

We recently had some family photos taken and it was a great time.  Our photographer is a family friend so we had a great time and she did a great job!  Enjoy the show!

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K and I snuck away in early August to meet my sister at my parents’ place and do some school clothes shopping.  It was a fun road trip, although too rushed for my taste.  Then somehow August flew by and we had to be sure to stick a family fun day in on Labor Day before the crazy fall schedule happens.  So we spent some time in the nearby “big city” and then stopped at the Family Fun Center for a few hours of adventuring!

We initially intended to ride the water boats, but someone decided maybe she wasn’t quite ready for that after all.  So she stuck with road racing instead. :)

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